I Did Give You Fair Warning...

A few weeks ago, I listed all my favorite things... Well, as promised, here is my list of least favorite things...

• birds of all kinds (unless they are cooked and on my plate)
• head colds
• most talk shows
• Will Farrell movies
• being cold
• ungrateful, whiny teenagers
• cranky customers
• purse shopping
• professional wrestling
• televised bass fishing
• 'reality shows' like Nanny 911 and Wife Swap
• cancer and the necessary treatments
• that stupid "Head On" commercial
• globby pens
• nylons
• underwire
• people who talk through movies
• annoying ringtones on cell phones
• smoky summer days in fire season
• forgetting something on my grocery list
• laundry
• Kraft Dinner
• lima beans
• hang nails
• not being able to sleep in on my day off
• lower back pain

I'm sure there are others, but my drug addled brain will not allow me to think of any further. So, as a humble hobbit, I bid you all a good evening...

Until next time, humble reader,

~MissBaggins

Long-distance Dating

Good evening, humble reader...

I love 'Him'.

I love his mind, I love his faith, I love how concerned he is for his family and their salvation, I love his laugh, I love his voice, I love his sense of humor, I love his quirks, I love his patience, and I love his understanding. Oh, and have I mentioned that I love his beautiful brown eyes?

The one thing I am not in love with right now... how ruddy far away he his!

I'm not stupid. I knew going in that this, if it developed to this point, it would not be easy. I want to see him everyday. I want to be able to talk to him face to face, or at least on the phone and not have it cost a fortune. I want to be near him for more than two days a month.

Ok, so I'm whining. I'm sorry.

I am thankful that we have had to get to know each other this way. I feel that I know more about him, about his personality, about what makes him tick than I would if we had only been friends or even dating in a conventional sense.

This chatting and emailing has forced us, or me at least, to think very seriously about this relationship. What do I want from this relationship? Am I willing to take the risks required? Am I able to open myself up to him in a way I have never done before?

I know I love him. I feel it... I know it... it is truth to me, like God's word is truth, like the earth spinning is truth, like peanut butter on sour dough toast is the best breakfast combo imaginable is truth...

So... I'm frustrated... not scared, not anxious... just frustrated.

I miss him... I wish he was here.

4 days, humble reader, 4 days...

Until next time,
~MissBaggins

On A More Serious Note...

Today was an interesting day, humble reader. A humbling day.

I went with Mom to her last radiation treatment at the cancer clinic. All of her most recent scans and tests have come back relatively clean. There was a small spot on her jawline that they were concerned about, but the doctors were confident that the radiation would take care of it. And so, a couple of weeks ago she started her five heavy duty sessions of radiation.

She has developed some pretty awful side-effects. Ulcers in her mouth and on her gums, and a really bad case of thrush. Her mouth and throat are pretty raw, and eating and drinking are challenging. But in comparison to what I saw today, she really is doing well.

Sitting in the waiting room at the cancer clinic was different from sitting in waiting rooms at any other doctor's office. You could tell that whoever planned out the building really thought that people dealing with cancer had lost their intelligence. The wards are carpeted and decorated like living rooms. Each area was named something different. The Cabin, the Hills, the Fish Tank, etc. I understand the intention behind it, but who are they trying to kid? And from the people I observed, no one is fooled.

I saw three types of people while I was waiting. First, there were people like my mom. People who walked with purpose, like this was a normal thing. Very businesslike, they turned in their radiation therapy cards, went to change into the requisite ugly hospital gowns and robes. In the waiting room they sat in silence, reading the paper or a magazine. Not talking or even acknowledging each other. They were called one by one into their treatments, and those of us who were there as drivers/moral support watched them walk away with worry that was hidden behind a mask of stoicism the moment they came back.

Second, there was the people you could tell had only recently been diagnosed. They were chatting just a little to loudly, laughing just a little too much, and a little too eager about the puzzles and the coffee cart. I could see the fear in their eyes, fear I recognized from my mom's face before every visit to her oncology.

Third, and most heartbreaking, were the resigned ones. In particular, there was an elderly gentleman who was pacing in the hallway when we got there. He was clearly in his 70s and obviously in distress. He paced back and forth between the desks for the Hills and the Cabin. Every time one of the treatment room doors opened, he would look up with a smile. When he saw that it wasn't someone he knew, he went back to his pacing. When the therapists finally wheeled out his wife, his face just lit up. And I could tell that it wasn't a mask. He was truly thankful to see her. Looking at his wife, you could tell that she was going through hell. Her face was bruised and raw, her hair was almost non-existent, and the poor woman had two black eyes. As soon as he saw her, the gentleman leaned in and kissed her on the cheek. The therapist wheeled her in her wheelchair to the waiting room, and the husband sat beside her. She, barely able to keep her eyes open, sat slumped in her chair. As soon as he lowered himself into the armchair beside her, he took her hand and brought it to his lips and kissed it. It was sweet and sad. I couldn't hear what he said, but he talked to her the whole time they were waiting, and when the porter came to take her back to her room he didn't let go of her hand. It was like he was hanging on for as long as he could.

As I sat there, trying to observe them seruptitiously from behind my book, I was humbled. Humbled by his strength, his compassion and his love for her.

I can only pray, humble reader, that if I am ever placed in that position, where a loved one tires of fighting, that I will be able to be as strong as he.

Mom has a break now from treatments. She won't be starting chemo until the end of August.

Thank you, humble reader, for letting me ponder these sad things.

Until next time,

~ MissBaggins

A few of my favorite things

Good evening, humble reader...

WARNING! Cheesiness Alert!

I'm copping out tonight with this entry, but I thought it might be fun anyway... So, the following is a list of my favorite things:

• Jesus
• my dog, Jasmine
• 'His' eyes, voice, faith, intellect... I could go on :)
• a new journal book
• tulips
• a well written book
• a movie that makes me laugh
• a movie that makes me cry
• the words, "Once Upon A Time"
• lavendar
• the color red
• cooking for my loved ones
• my niece's laugh
• my nephew's dimples
• Almond body butter from the Body Shop
• my Winnie-The-Pooh blanket
• Venti, non-fat, light ice, iced Tazo Chai
• AFV (guilty pleasure)
• pesto sauce
• chapstick
• grocery shopping
• pedicures
• Jane Austen, Stephen Lawhead, JK Rowling, JRR Tolkein, CS Lewis, Lynn Austin, Philippa Gregory, Michael Crichton, Ted Dekker, LM Montgomery, AA Milne,
• Star Trek
• movie theater popcorn
• Max 5
• Broadway musicals
• people with accents
• the Tide pen
• puppies
• babies
• Veggie Tales
• polar bears
• flip flops
• english ivy
• Survivor, American Idol, and Jeopardy
• learning a new word
• an afternoon nap
• fountain pens
• Christmas dinner (turkey, ham, cabbage rolls, perogies, potatoes, yams, meatballs, gravy, pumkin pie)
• Dutch Blitz
• the Blind boys of Alabama
• my way-too-big jeans
• M. Night Shyamalan movies
• country music
• seeing a long anticipated movie
• reading a long anticipated book
• chatting online
• Zuma
• beef dips

I'm sure there's more, and there will be. But for now, that was a nice distraction. Enjoy, humble reader, and watch for my list of least favorite things.

Until next time,

~ MissBaggins

Today's countdown: 12 days!

Still Processing...

It's been more than a week since I have blogged, Humble Reader. But that is for good reason...

'He' was here for my friends' wedding on the 15th...

The wedding was beautiful. Classic, traditional, with just enough quirks to make it really fun. She was beautiful in her gown, but still relaxed enough to play with a couple of kids who attended. He was handsome in his tux, and did a fabulous job dancing with both his bride and his mom.

But the best part of the day, was being able to introduce 'Him' as my boyfriend... to anyone and everyone. :) It was great... and it was an incredibly romantic way to start our weekend together.

The weekend started out beautifully... and it only got better. You see, humble reader, he told me he loved me. And I haven't stopped smiling since!

No man has ever said those words to me before.

I couldn't have imagined the power they have. I thought my heart was going to beat out of my chest. He said it on our way out of church on Sunday morning. It was amazing. I'm still reeling from it. Every time we chat now I'm blown away when he says it.

Being in love is so different from what I was expecting. But a good different.

I'm sorry this is so short, humble reader, but I'm still processing.

Only 14 days...

336 hours...

20160 minutes...

*sigh*

~MissBaggins

Going 'round the Bend

Good evening humble reader...

Have you ever felt like the sun is coming up on the wrong side of the world?

I did for about three months when I lived just outside of San Francisco. San Mateo was on the penninsula and for the first time in my life there was water on both the east and the west. I distinctly remember the very crazy sensation of walking home and watching the sun set over the water, and realizing that what I thought was east, wasn't east at all. By the way, I was born with a 'negative sense of direction'... to quote one of my all time favorite movies.

Lately, I have been having that same sensation.

In order to explain, I need to give you a little background. At the beginning of 2006 my life seemed to be on a good path. I was happy with who I was, enjoyed my work, and my family was doing great. In a moment of self-improving weakness I read a book. Not one of my normal books. I don't normally read non-fiction, but the title of this one spoke to me. "How to Get A Date Worth Keeping" by Dr. Henry Cloud. He talked about how in Christian circles the idea of dating has become pariah. His basic premise is that dating is a good thing and single Christian adults need to do more of it, if for no other reason than to meet new people and enjoy life. One of the things he talked about was... for those of us who are shy... that online matchmaking services are not only ok but a really great way to meet people. I had done some of the online dating services before and was seriously disappointed in the result. But they had all been those free ones. Cloud said to find a reputable service, and pay the dues, and sign up. So I did.

Around the same time that I signed up with the matchmaking service, my Mom discovered a lump right in front of her left ear. Anytime my Mom finds a lump, all of our hearts stop because she had four rounds with cancer previously. Most recently, she had a patch of skin cancer near her hairline on the left side of her forehead that was removed. She contacted her doctor and he got her in immediately.

Two biopsies, countless exrays, and one six hour surgery later we were told that the doctors were confident that they were able to clear out all the lymphoma. In fact, they were 99% certain that she would heal well and be on her way to complete recovery by summer. Of course, they told us, she would need some radiation or chemo but all would be well.

During this whole process, I was blessed with a friend. A new friend. A very good friend. A match, from the matchmaking service. We were chatting online, getting to know each other and everything was moving ahead slowly but steadily. Of course, you know from my previous posts that everything in this part of my life has been going great.

In the mean time, we have been getting the run around with mom's health. More tests, physio therapy to rebuild the muscles in her shoulder, CT scans, PET scans, dental work... all to find out if we will be facing more than the full year of radiation, chemo and other treatments that they have now said are necessary.

Today in particular has been challenging. Yet again we are awaiting a call from a doctor. And yet again, we have heard nothing. Mom is due to start radiation on Monday, and it still feels like it did the day we got the initial diagnosis.

And in the midst of all this, there is 'He'.

How is a girl who feels as though she's falling in love with a wonderful guy supposed to enjoy this time with him when she's worrying about if her mom is going to be around in a year. Oh my... how cold am I???? I don't mean it as selfish as it sounds. Really...

I just mean, how can I possibly be so happy and so distraught at the same time? I feel like I'm losing my mind half the time. Ok, so maybe not out of my mind, but definitely loopy. It definitely does feel like the sun is coming up on the wrong side of the world these days.

I don't believe in coincidences. God does everything in his perfect time. So I know that he brought 'He' into my life for just this reason. To be a friend, a support, and a joy in this trying time.

Perhaps, I just need to stop trying to understand. I need to stop thinking myself in circles. I need to trust that God will do his will and that I will get through it with his strength.

I'm sorry this hasn't been as fun a post as usual, humble reader. Thank you for your understanding.

Until next time,

MissBaggins

My Life List

Last night 'He' asked me an interesting question, Humble Reader. He asked if I plan on ever attending a Star Trek convention (see my previous post for more clarification on this). This question prompted a discussion of my 'Life List'. This is a list of things I want to do, see, and accomplish before my time on this earth is through.

I thought that this would be a good place to keep my current life list, as well as be able to add to it from time to time. So, to that end, Humble Reader, the following is the Life List of MissBaggins, a wanna-be hobbit.

In this life I hope to:

• have high tea in London
• visit all the LOTR filming sites in New Zealand
• work with the Massai Girls School that my college is connected with in Tanzania
• learn to quilt
• be published and see my book on the shelf in my store
• visit Green Gables
• visit all 10 provinces and three territories
• visit all 50 states
• go back to Germany
• spend the night in a castle
• get married
• have children
• take ballroom dance lessons
• attend a Com Con
• visit Rome, Paris, Moscow, Athens, and Dublin
• research my heirloom violin
• master the art of the perfect bbq steak
• get all my pictures into photoalbums
• see 'Wicked the Musical' on Broadway
• have a bit role in a local musical theater production
• own an old english sheepdog
• achieve my goal-weight
• ride every ride at Disneyland and Disney World
• hunt for a leprechaun's gold in Ireland

I know there are more things, but I can't recall them all right now... I will add more as they come to me.

Until next time, Humble Reader, start thinking about your own Life List. If there is one thing I am certain of, beyond my faith in Jesus as my savior, is that we all need dreams.

MissBaggins